I don’t want to be a perfectionist anymore

I have been avoiding coming here for a long time. Not because I have nothing to write about, but because I have so much that I don’t even know where to start. But at the same time, many of my thoughts, memories, and ideas dissipate. The result is that my mind is back into to being its hyperactive and sleepless self.

I believe that there are two reasons for my predicament: (1) I read faster and process information faster than I write (like everyone else), and (2) I am a lazy perfectionist. I have many ideas that I want to write out in a perfectly logical manner (and thereby also have a clearer idea of what I really know or think).

But how could I possibly do that? It’s such a big project. So I delay indefinitely what I think is the most important part of the process of gaining knowledge: writing about what I learn.

Unfortunately, the more I delay, the harder it is to start writing again. Perhaps I could say that my mind is analogous to a room. And writing is analogous to tidying up the room. After months of not writing anything down, my thoughts can only be described as chaotic. And just like how it’s a headache to organize a messy room, the longer I don’t write, the harder it is to write when I actually want to write.

But from now on, I will refuse being a perfectionist. I don’t care what people think. I am writing only for my own benefit: I write to learn. So, I will come here everyday to write. Maybe I won’t finish a post everyday, but I WILL come here to write even for just 15 minutes a day. That’s the promise I make to myself.

That’s it for this post, I guess. Even though I do want to write a little bit about how the idea of “writing to learn” reminds me of the Socratic method. The act of writing forces me to examine my thoughts and pull them out in the form of a string of words, which act like a “logical machine” to organize my thoughts in a logical way. This action of “pulling out” is similar to the action that is performed in the Socratic method of questioning. The only difference is that I am the one who is questioning myself.

About sy2m

a student forever ... never stop seeking knowledge :)
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